I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
