Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
