But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
