My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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