You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
