I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
