Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
