glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
