how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
