my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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