were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
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