plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
