So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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