3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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