DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
