I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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