Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
