you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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