sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
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In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
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I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.