with your own penis?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it's like iHOP with fire
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.