He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?