I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
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Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
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did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.