Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
