Where is the hickey?
I cockslap morals
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
