Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
