I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
