Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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