Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
