I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
