Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
