No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
