I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
