How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
