stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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