The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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