The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
