everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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