they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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