So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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