What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
