I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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