How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
