I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
