on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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