I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
