why didn't you poke me back
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
