think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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