your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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