You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
