i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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