The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
