Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
