This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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