you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
