3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
