the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
