i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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