So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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