he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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