on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
