I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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