so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
