I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i barfeds in our rink
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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